Im not sure this makes sense, i didnt proofread but i probably should have. OH well happy reading
It seems that most often in my life, I pray for God seeking
answers and seeking direction. I want God to reveal everything to me, I want
clarity I want him to remove doubt. In essence what I am really saying is that
I want things to be easy. But what if God was not as concerned with me getting
answers as He is with the process that I go through to find clarity to find
‘answers’ from God. When there is something that I am seeking God’s direction
it seems that God is silent. However, I have noticed that usually when I think
that God is being silent he is really at work beneath the surface of my life.
Often times it is in the search for answers, the seeking after discovery that
we are shaped and formed. It is not that the answers we are seeking from God
are earth shattering but it is in the process of clarity that God bring about
the clarity that we are seeking. Usually what I want is for God in a moment to
simply give the answer. But then we miss out on the beauty and the mystery of the
pursuit of God. What if in the pursuit of answers and clarity we are pushed
deep into the heart of God. Essentially what God seeks is to bring us deep,
deep, into communion with him. Think of the person that you want to be with
most, the person that you love the most, then imagine how much greater is the
love that God has for us, how much greater is the desire that God has for us.
That alone blows my mind. The fact that God wants, desires, pursues a
relationship with me. I am not sure exactly why God so eagerly wants a
relationship with me, why he pursues me so hard. But the reality is he does.
And because God so badly wants a deep and intimate relationship with each of us, he does not give us quick
and easy answers. He simply loves us to much to leave us where we are. Thus I
am learning that when God seems silent, where there is fear in my life, when I
am afraid to move, when I am seeking direction for God in the midst of
uncertainty. Those are the times to praise him. That is when God is at work
deeply in our lives. If it takes adversity and searching to bring us to a place
of deep union with God so be it. The sad reality in my life is that so often I
get frustrated with God for not giving me the quick and painless answers, when
in reality it is a blessed work of God in my life. The other thing that I have
noticed lately is the shallowness of my faith. So often when I am pursuing
clarity from God in the face of uncertainties, very often I do not trust him as
much as I should. He waits for me to rest peacefully in his arms while he works
in my life. Yet I do not trust him enough to rest quietly in his sovereignty.
The other thing that bothers me about searching for clarity is that I end up
pursuing clarity and answers when in reality I should be pursing God. I get my
focus entirely off of what it should be. This is simply another area were I
live selfishly. I want clarity I want answers – more than I want God sometimes.
Thus it is in the process of searching That God has to continually bring me
back to a place of deep heartfelt need for him. I pursue answers and clarity
because that is what I want, that is what I think I need. When the reality is
that clarity is found in God, it is as we pursue a relationship with Christ
that the other aspects of life come together. Again it is simply that I do not
trust him enough. He wants me to walk hand in hand with him living in faith and
trust. This is sort of how my communication goes with God sometimes
“daddy where does the
road lead”
“Just walk with me,” he
replies
“Yeah but I want to know where this goes I cannot see
anything ahead it does not make sense”
“Just walk with me”
“Im afraid” I reply
“Trust me” he says
“Im trying but its so hard”
“hold my hand tight”
“Why wont you tell me where we are going, I want to see
where the road leads” I say again
“im not so concerned that you know where the road goes, I
simply want to walk with you.”
“With me? Why?” I ask
“I love more than you know”
“Then why wont you show where we are walking?”
“Because I love you too much, to remove the beauty and
mystery of walking with me, I want you to get lost in the danger of my majesty
and in the beauty of an untamed relationship with me”
“Daddy”
“Yes”
“Help me to trust”
“Hold my hand tight” he replies
“Im trying but im so scared”
“trust me, you have to believe that I want what is
absolutely best for you”
“Yeah I know” I reply, “Its just that sometimes when I look
ahead the road is so dark and so confusing that I lose my focus on you in the
face of my own fears”
“I know child, do not focus so much on your fear, focus on
my face”
“Pappa”
“Yes Child”
“Why cant you make it easier”
“I did not make it hard”
“Then why am I so confused”
“Do not worry so much about where we are going, just enjoy
the fact that I am walking with you.”
“Im trying”
“Pappa”
“Yes”
“Thanks for not letting go of my hand”
“Child I will never let go of your hand, my love is fierce
and runs deeper that you can imagine.”
Perhaps its not where the road leads but it is what we learn
on the road that is of the most value.
I thank God for the times when life is uncertain, those are
the times that I am challenged to live out my faith, to deepen my faith.
In other news i have a new Nephew. Here he is:
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